Iron Man 2 - 2 stars (spoilers)

Iron Man 2 is boring, which is the worst thing a superhero movie can be.

Tony Stark was a fun character the first time around. We saw how cocky he was, but when he was in that cave fighting for his life, we believed it. When his friend (the one who saved his life in the cave) was dying, we really felt his pain and anguish. It made the character very human.

In Iron Man 2, there is none of that pathos. Everything he says and does is done with a wink and a smile. Even when he is at his lowest point, I didn't feel anything for the character the way I did in the first movie. That makes him like Roger Moore's James Bond - a cartoon character.

The first 20 minutes are particularly boring. We are introduced to Mickey Rourke's character. He watches TV with his dad, his dad dies, and he spends 5 minutes making a chest reactor like Tony Stark Has. Next, we see Iron Man jump out of a plane. He flies down and lands on stage at the Stark Expo while the Iron Man Rockettes dance to Shoot to Thrill by AC/DC. This also takes a good 5 minutes.

So nothing happens for the first 10 minutes, and they could have accomplished all this in about 2 minutes.

Next is the congressional hearing scene. This is somewhat interesting. Senator Larry Sanders* wants Tony Stark to turn over the Iron Man weapon to the government. He says no, it's not really a weapon. We meet Justin Hammer (Sam Rockwell) who is trying to develop his own Iron Man suits. The movie gets interesting for a minute as Stark shows congress video of Hammer working with other nations, including Iran and North Korea, trying to help them get working suits. This is not mentioned again in the movie. Later in the movie the senators will have no problem working with Hammer again. Apparently it's not a big deal that he was working with our enemies.

About 25 minutes in the movie finally gives us a good action scene. You've seen it in the trailers. Mickey Rourke shows up on a raceway in Monaco and cuts Tony's race car in half with his whips. This scene is great, and it has the thing I want most in a superhero movie: a transformation scene. Ever since Superman (1978) I have enjoyed scenes where the superhero changes into his superhero outfit. In this movie, he carries his Iron Man suit around in the form of a briefcase.

Unfortunately this scene is the highlight of the movie. It goes back downhill from there.

How lame is the birthday party scene? It starts out ok. Tony Stark is bummed that he is dying, so he decides to get drunk and have some fun. He's dancing around in the suit and chicks are throwing objects into the air for him to blast with his hand blaster thingy. His buddy Rhodes is looking in disapproval. What Rhodes should do is either leave in disgust, or try to talk some sense into Stark. What does he do instead? Goes downstairs, puts on another Iron Man suit (the War Machine suit), and starts to fight Tony Stark. Is he really so mad that he wants to kill him? Or does he just plan on beating the crap out of him with the suit?

So we get a couple of minutes of the two fighting in the suits. Which is boring for several reasons. One, we know neither of them is going to be seriously hurt or killed, so there is no tension. Also, we aren't rooting for either of them to win. We know Stark is being a jackass, but he's the hero of the movie. And isn't it ridiculous that Rhodes can step into the suit for the first time and hold his own against Stark? Remember the first movie, where it took Stark a long time to learn to fly and stuff?

We find out early on that Stark is dying. The energy core that keeps him alive is also slowly poisoning him. So part of the movie is about him trying to figure out how to stay alive. The way it is resolved is really stupid. At first, we think the SHIELD organization is going to help him, but all they do is confine him to his house and tell him to keep working on it. He solves the problem with the help of his late father, through the outtakes of a video his dad did, and using a model of a town or something. It doesn't really make much sense. How did his father know he would ever need it, and why did he hide it? His dad should have just left him a note: "Tony, if we ever invent a way to synthesize new elements, make THIS ONE. Love, Dad".

There were some good story ideas here. Mickey Rourke's villain (Ivan Drago, or whatever) could have been fun, but he was not in the movie enough. And when he was in the movie, he spent all his time typing on a computer. The idea that Tony is dying could have been good, and introducing Hammer as a rival could have also been interesting. But everything was handled so badly in the movie. Maybe the script was good but they had too long of a movie so they cut the hell out of it. Blame the editing. Or maybe the script was bad to begin with. The first movie was written by Mark Fergus and Hawk Ostby (best name ever!), and Part 2 was written by Justin Theroux. Why not keep with the same writers? They did a great job with the first movie.



* That's not really his name in the movie, but wouldn't it have been cool if it was? Hey now!