Saturday, June 5, 2010

Killers - 1 star

No wonder Lionsgate didn't want any critics to see this before it came out. It is so bad that I can't believe anyone wrote the dialogue and expected an audience to take it seriously.

Ashton Kutcher is a CIA assassin. He meets Katherine Heigl in Nice. He is on a job, she is on vacation with her parents, played by Tom Selleck and the great Catherine O'Hara. They meet, go out on a date, then the movie cuts to three years later. They are married, and he has quit being an assassin. He never did tell her he was an assassin, probably because he read the script and there wouldn't be a movie if he had.

The plot kicks into action when people show up trying to kill Kutcher. Of course his wife it there, and yes there is a scene where has asks her to go get his gun, and she carries it like it's a dead animal and she is afraid to touch it. Even though her dad shoots skeet in his backyard, she apparently has never handled a gun before.

I actually laughed at the movie, but that was because I saw it with friends, and we talked over it the whole time, MST3K style. There is no way to take it seriously. Kutcher and Heigl are horrible in it. The only one who actually gives a good performance is Catherine O'Hara, and it's because she knows how bad the movie is, and she is having fun with it. Tom Selleck gets some laughs too.

When the end comes and we find out who was trying to kill him and why, it is about the dumbest reveal I have ever seen. It's at this moment that I realized the filmmakers were trying to make their own version of a crappy Roger Corman b-movie.

It really sucks.

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