Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island - 1 star

This movie just pissed me off. The people who wrote it think that all kids are dumb. Movies don't have to be dumbed down to be for kids. Kids are smarter than that.

The only returning character is Sean Anderson (Josh Hutcherson). He is able to intercept a satellite message from his grandfather (Michael Caine). His grandfather is stuck on the mysterious island, and he sent the coded message in hopes his grandson would find it. Does he want Sean to find the island and visit him, or is he hoping for rescue? If he wants to be rescued, why does he code the message? If he just wants Sean to find the island, he is a crazy old man, because no ship or plane can land safely on the island. You have to pass through a crazy system of tornados.

Sean's stepfather (Dwayne Johnson) helps him decode the message, and has no problem buying them two tickets to the South Pacific to find the island. No discussion of how much last minute plane tickets like that would cost. The screenwriters not only think kids are dumb, they think everyone can afford to drop several thousand dollars at the drop of a hat.

Once they get to the South Pacific, they hire Luis Guzman and his daughter Vanessa Hudgens to fly them to the coordinates where the mysterious island is located. It takes them about 5 minutes to reach the location, which makes you wonder why others haven't discovered it. They go through a storm system and end up wrecked on the beach of the mysterious island. Of course they are ok, even though the helicopter is in pieces.

The rest of the movie consists of them meeting giant creatures, riding on the backs of bees (which are easier to tame than a horse), and finding the lost city of Atlantis and Captain Nemo's submarine from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.

I didn't enjoy this movie. I tried to turn my brain off and just enjoy the adventure, but there is no sense of danger. At no time did the movie make me believe there was anything to worry about. Luis Guzman was not funny, Michael Caine turned in the worst performance I have ever seen from him, Caine and The Rock insult each other even thought the movie gives no reason for their animosity, and Sean acts like a spoiled brat. Avoid at all costs.

No comments: