Wednesday, 11/25/09

Old Dogs - 0 stars

This is it. This is the worst movie of the year. I didn't think anything could be dumber than Race to Witch Mountain, but this beats it by a mile. No one behaves like a rational human being. Every decision or line feels forced. No one would act like these characters.

The movie is predictable. Every joke is telegraphed 10 minutes in advance. All the comedy is sucked out of the scene before you realize that you were supposed to laugh here.

Possibly the worst scene is where Robin Williams wears a suit that is controlled by John Travolta in another room. This way, Travolta can control the suit so Williams can have a tea party with his daughter. Even though Travolta has no kids, for some reason that is never explained he knows how to behave around kids and Williams does not. This scene is just stupid.

Or how about the end where Williams shows up for his kids' birthday party? Even though we are never told what their mom does for a living, apparently she makes enough money to close the zoo down at 3 pm so they can have a private party. And you will never guess who she hires to be the big surprise at the party. See, earlier the girl said she thought her dad was a super hero. So she is into super heroes, like many kids. But her mom hires a guy to fly in on a jet pack. I shit you not. A jet pack, like the one Sean Connery rode in Thunderball. Well, because Williams is in the dog house at this point and isn't expected at the party, he pays the guy to let him ride the jet pack. Of course, he doesn't really know how to operate it. So guess what happens? Yeah, he crashes into the lake. You would think that having a hundred pound steel jet pack on your back would make it hard to swim and you would sink like a stone. Well, he survives.

This is a movie for stupid people. Please do not go see it.

Fantastic Mr. Fox - 3 1/2 stars

This is my favorite animated movie of the year. It is also one of the funniest movies of the year. Based on the book by Roald Dahl it tells the story of Mr. Fox who used to hunt chickens with his wife, Mrs. Fox. He promises her that he will stop when she has their son, and he does. But because he is fox and hunting chickens is his nature, he can't stop. He begins hunting again while she is sleeping.

The focus of the movie is Mr. Fox's war on 3 local farmers. It kind of reminded me of Danny, the Champion of the World (also by Dahl), which focuses on poaching pheasants. This movie is stop motion animation and it is hilarious. I think young kids will enjoy it as well as their parents and grandparents.

Ninja Assassin - 2 1/2 stars

This one is right in the middle. It has some cool ninja action, and buckets of blood. Limbs go flying everywhere, heads are chopped off and bodies are cut in half. The plot is nothing more than ninja assassins are killing people, and the government is trying to stop them. The plot keeps getting interrupted so we can see one ninja's backstory. We get 5 minutes of story, the camera zooms in on his face, and we see his training as a kid. We return to the story for 5 minutes, then more backstory of the girl he loved as a teenager.

The movie doesn't suck, but it isn't that good. Not a bad diversion if you like ninja action, but it is very forgettable.