Sunday, February 26, 2012

This Means War - 1 1/2 stars

This movie is aweful. Chris Pine and Tom Hardy star as FDR Foster and Tuck, to CIA operatives. At the start of the movie, we are introduced to FDR and Tuck as they are trying to capture a European criminal (an arms dealer or something) at a party in Hong Kong. There is a lame shootout, and this scene does nothing but show us how bad this movie is going to be.

FDR and Tuck are demoted to desk jobs since they messed up the Hong Kong job. FDR is a ladies man, but Tuck hasn't dated anyone since his divorce. He has a young son that he sees once in a while. Oh, and apparently they can't tell anyone that they are CIA agents, so Tuck's ex-wife thinks he is travel agent who travels a lot.

Tuck decides to try online dating. He meets Lauren (Reese Witherspoon), they go out, and immediately hit it off. As Lauren is heading home from their date, she bumps in to FDR at a video store. She resists his advances at first, but he wants to hook up with her.

It might have been funny if FDR and Tuck had no idea they were persuing the same girl. But in this movie, they find out right away. Since they are friends, and FDR has no trouble getting women, in any rational universe he would step aside. But he has to say something stupid like "If I pursued her, you wouldn't have a chance. So I'll let you have her." So of course it becomes a competition to see who can win her.

Lauren starts dating both guys, and she can't decide between them. Her best friend (Chelsea Handler) encourages her to keep seeing both, and sleep with both before she makes up her mind.

This movie is not funny, and it is completely unbelievable. Tuck and FDR are able to put teams of CIA agents together to spy on each other, using whatever resources the CIA has, and they never get caught or questioned. This is a romantic comedy but there is a little bit of action regarding the European criminal. The action scenes are so bad that there is no sense of danger or excitement.

This movie is a failure on every level.

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